Separation Anxiety
I've been suffering from what I'll call separation anxiety towards friends and loved ones as of late. Now, I've gone through this spell plenty of times in my life, much to numerous to recall, and I can recall times in which I haven't had these spells when one assumes that I would. It all started with my roommate's declaration the other day that he was planning on (1) to take a trip to Germany in the summer (2) look for a job there (3) quit his current job to do so (4) move out of our current location, the last of which would be accomplished if all the other three events were met with success. Also, the last of which would primarily depend on whether (1) I find a decent job in the area (2) we decide to get another (i.e. better) place to live.

So, why do I feel so upset by this? Well, it's odd, and I can't help but notice that I'm much more easily upset by thinking about being left alone than by being in some sort of desperate straits myself. Financial concerns, for the most part, don't trouble me much. Employment doesn't bother me much. But the notion that all the people I've come to know in the last year are going to be, at some point, moving on in their lives depresses me beyond belief.
I know that we can't live in a sense of stasis that never fluctuates in some manner or another, but the idea of the constant is reassuring to me, as I'm sure it is to everyone, and I feel that the loss from that alone is enough to send me spiraling down, if I may be so dramatic. Having said that, I realize that there are worse things that can happen in life, and I know that when the time comes, I most likely won't be as traumatized as I'm letting on in this post. The fact remains, though, that I feel a sense of despair infringing upon my psyche that I don't want there in any way, shape, or form.

What this leads me to do, though, is question whether or not this is a natural impulse and whether or not it's, in so many words, a phase that I'll grow out of eventually as my years pass? I don't believe so, unless there's some sort of drastic change in my life, such as a very stable job and all the accoutrements that come along with that.

I guess what I feel the worst about is being cheated out of something that I've just started to enjoy, that being life here in Pittsburgh. I confess that for all the minor, and I do mean minor, inconveniences and bothersome traits about this town, I do like it a lot. I like being here. I like living here, and I don't want to leave any time soon, but I also don't want anyone else to leave, either. I want it all to remain the same, and the saddest thing about that is that I know it can't. I'll have to learn to live with that, but I don't know how I will.