Misperceptions
It's always interesting to be aware of both sides of a story pertaining to an important, if sometimes mundane event, in the lives of two people. For the most part, the parties involved seem to be able to isolate their perceptions to their own mind and their immediate circle of confidants. However, when one or both sides in the struggle become increasingly familiar with one or the others social circles and the perceptions of that person within that circle, there can be times when one will become aware of facts, ideas, or mistaken realities that radically alter that party's final analysis.
Case in point, after becoming embroiled with a member of the opposite sex, there came a point when it was definitely necessary to do a reassessment of the entire scenario. The reason for this reassessment stemmed from the seeming inability for us to have adequate, open lines of conversation. Statements in the course of our conversations seemed to become stilted and stale. Communication seemed to be difficult and without any real redeeming value. The forced nature of the conversations seemed to be sapping all the ambition for us to remain on a steady course. Finally, after having sought the advice from multiple fronts in this regard, I decided the only way to really resolve the situation was to have a face to face exchange of our own assessments of the situation.
However, it's most important to divulge that, at this stage, I became aware of the idea that this person wasn't as accepted into the social circle she claimed to be an integral part of. In fact, it became increasingly difficult to separate the truth from the reality of her perceptions of her own situation. To be blunt, blatant animosities towards her were most evident in the analysis that I was receiving from a prominent member of this clique. Her own self-awareness to this reality seems to be skewed in a direction that points to an obvious self-gratifying assessment. The reality, though, is much more harsh. Becoming aware of this type of thinking may be dangerous to providing one with any sorts of reassurances as to the positive outcome that could possibly result from ignoring such revelations.
The time came, then, for a real reassessment of the situation. What exactly was going on here? Why was the communication becoming more and more difficult to sustain? What transpired over the course of several weeks, some of which were days apart from one another? Is it possible that I was misreading everything and not seeing that there was something definitely wrong with the proceedings? Had I said or done something to cross a boundary? All these questions and many more were racing through my mind in a last ditch attempt to rescue, revitalize, recharge what was, in my opinion, a promising situation. Most of this, though, went right out the window when I uttered the words, "I think we need to go somewhere and talk" in response to her inquiry about where we were going on this occasion. This, in the end, may have been the smartest move I made in the course of the entire affair. Heading off what would have most likely been an evening that would have transpired like any other and would have definitely led me to believe that I was still in the driver's seat and in good graces, proved to be the best move I've made. The fact that she had a definite agenda became obvious when she launched into, what seemed like, a prepared speech, but, in retrospect, looks like it was more and more full of holes and lapses in logical progression. To summarize, it was a cop-out of an idea that we, as two people in the fledgling stages, weren't compatible with one another. Having said her piece, I proceeded to launch into what must have seemed like a positively ideal appraisal of the situation and its future prospects. I'd like to think that this sort of reaction won me some points in the overall scheme of things. I'm still waiting for that analysis.
What has led me to reevaluate the entire saga, though, was the revelation this very day that this girl, the girl I thought I was making many inroads with and was able to maintain a mutual friendship with, reported the very saga detailed above to her confidants as a total roll reversal. In other words, I was the one who broke up with her, not the other way around, which is obviously what happened. This leads me to wonder and posit these final questions: Was I in a relationship that I wasn't aware I was in? How is her version of reality being distorted, or is she seeing something there that I wasn't? How can I have misread such a scenario, or did I even?